[Unlike an attendant - which he was not - Silco leaned in so he could nip the swell of Richard's hip before he rose to his feet again. He brought the towel with him of course, draping the material over the younger man's shoulders as he made a point to then card his fingers through Richard's dark hair to make certain all of it was tucked behind an ear to keep those mismatched eyes visible. His own scarring was plain to see, no make-up covering the dark mottled skin or deep lines of scarring.]
Does that 'anything' include people? [It might be a simple question, but there was a load of problematic issues behind it. Those issues which Silco didn't allow himself to see.
He made a low 'hmm' sound as he considered the implications of Jinx going after Richard; he had intended to let them settle it out themselves and expected that her tantrums would wane with time and distraction of her own. Unfortunately, she was extremely possessive, so he could assume the vitriol that his lover had had to contend with. It might even be considered worse than what he had to contend with, only because he was used to dealing with his daughter in such moments of high emotional conflict.]
Likely. She was sneaking around with the boy; I found out. Unlike me who admitted I had a lover just had not - and have not - admitted an identity, and it was never anything I didn't skirt or deny. [See the difference? He did. Jinx didn't. Maybe no one agreed with him, but he frankly didn't care.]
[The sharp nib on his hip earns a jerk of a muscle and slight tremble on Richard's lip. He follows Silco with his eyes as he stands up, the hand on his shoulder slowly sliding down to his chest before retracting it off his lover's body to curl his fingers around the edge's of the blanket.]
Of course. [He answers immediately without any hesitation.] I naturally protect all of those who have pledged themselves to me and provide for them. Unless they were to betray to me. [It really is simple as that. It matters not whether those people were peasants, farmers, soldiers or nobles. They were all the same to Richard in the long run, something for him to command and do as he sees fit. Stepping stones to his throne.
He's certain that Silco if anyone could understand him on this.]
Hm. [He hums quietly, lips pressing into tighter line as he listens to Silco's explanation. While he definitely saw Silco's side to be more correct, as a father's matters of love life and what not should not be any of a daughter's business. But the situation overall seems so childish to him. And petty.] I do not care who she decides to spend her time with. And I do not care to made to be a pawn in such quarrel.
[Now he wished perhaps more than ever that Silco had kept silence all together about this. It seems like it could have saved them both a lot of headache. Richard then steps to the side and passes his lover as he walks towards the bedroom.] I shall dress.
I see. [There was an undertone of interest to the answer, but otherwise, he held himself in check. There had been too many betrayals to consider where he fit into Richard's life. He had the answer to his question, and he accepted it. There were times when Richard was so self-assured, and he could appreciate that, especially when it off-set those times when Richard seemed to fade to the background.] What do you view as a pledge?
[Betrayal was a fact that was not tolerated by the both of them. That much they had in common. He imagined without evidence that Richard would be as spiteful as he was in such a case.
The disapproval was obvious just by the thinning of his lover's lips. However, how he conducted himself was not something he felt the urge to change even in the face of such disapproval.] That she approached you in her business; I certainly didn't encourage it. I have safeguarded your secrets more than I have anyone outside of Jinx thus far.
[There were times that he even questioned why he went so far, and yet, he continued to do so. He was aware that Jinx's disapproval could and would sour most situations, and he expected that her volatile reaction was expected to earn her favourable results. After all, most people feared her.]
Do you wish to continue this conversation upon your return?
[Richard really does come with to settings. The insecure and fearful man haunted by his own demons versus the confident and charismatic leader with strength to make the chance. The key difference here is that it's not himself that Richard has belief in -- but in his blood and status. The legacy and the wish of his father that he carries with him.]
An oath to be sworn to me. [Now, where does this arrangement of theirs land on with such statement? Richard was not sure. They both had sworn a loyalty of sorts to each other, at least when it came to who'd they let in their beds and so. But how far did that loyalty extend to between to men like them who had vaults full of secrets and skeletons. Only time will tell, he supposes.
Richard stops at the door and turns his head to look over his shoulder.]
[Silco made a noise in his throat at the idea of an oath. Loyalty by words and swearing upon that God he expected. In his mind, the conversation that they had had previously where they had bound themselves on some level with a few of their secrets was enough for him. Their secrets were hard fought and coveted and to give them away was a show of trust that no 'oath' could bring about. He did not believe in blind loyalty.
No doubt they could dig deep into such a subject, but he had found that when he pushed too hard, Richard simply stopped talking. He wasn't willing to sour his current good mood at survival over an impassioned speech that would have a back turned on him. Debater Richard was not.
He had turned towards the exit of Richard's house by now, hand fishing in his vest pocket for his cigar case.]
Hardly a subject worth discussing, no. Do you wish to continue to discuss your feelings of being a pawn between myself and my daughter?
[It was, unfortunately, part of Richard's nature to fall quiet and withdraw away whenever he saw no point in continuing it. Something that he found himself doing more frequently in this world than in his own. No matter how much time passed, he still kept finding himself feeling lost and confused by a new thing and the way of these people thought. All seemingly on the same page on their views and understanding. Everyone else but him. There was hardly anything he could say to that.
Just like here. Richard could feel the threat of silence looming even here. Did he wish to talk about his feelings on the matter? Not really. He had already stated how he felt. What more there is to say about it.
But the sight of Silco's back turned against him as the man was heading towards the front door did stir something unpleasant in him. There's a flash of hesitation in Richard's eyes. He lowers his head, shifting his gaze down on the floor as he weights his options.]
[Fish out of water was the term, and he felt it keenly at times. Technology was not a subject he was familiar with, but also he had been raised in a time and place where thumbing one's nose at the opinions of others was very common. It allowed him to be entrenched in his own beliefs and will to make changes without considering or caring how it might affect others around him. His world was on balance, and so he stood atop it.
He stopped before reaching the door, silver case in one hand, at the call. He turned his head to observe Richard for a few seconds, and there was a rebuttal that he wasn't a servant to help with the basics of clothing yet he stopped himself. He knew the olive branch for what it was, so he resisted the base urge to rebel against the misplaced notion of servitude.
He dropped the case on a table as he turned and moved to follow Richard to the bedroom. Normally he would keep his hands to himself, yet he felt a sort of odd need for connection. His fingers reached out so he could wrap his hand gently around Richard's scarred wrist as they moved to the bedroom.]
Are you planning on training in the woods today or remaining around your property?
[A strange and unexpected wave of relief passes through Richard's body when he sees Silco to turn around and accept his invitation. When had the anxiety crept up to him, reaching out him with its claws? Just what was he afraid of here. That Silco were to abandon him?
Richard waits for Silco to walk up to him before pushing the door open to let them inside of his room. He briefly looks at the hand reaching out to his own, fingers curling around his slender wrist.]
I'll stay in. I'm too tired for training today. [He says softly as they enter. Then, letting go of the edges of the towel and allowing it to slide off his shoulders, he stepped in closer and brought his hand to grasp on the one that was holding on his wrist.] You do not understand that you are the only one I am allowing this? I am not shutting you out.
[As he was still fully clothed - though in need of a shower himself at some point - he stepped in and nudged the door shut behind them once they had entered. Privacy was something that he too valued, though less for survival reasons like Richard. Bedrooms were also private spaces in general, and he did not underappreciate that his lover allowed him into this space often - sometimes very readily.
So he was very familiar with the bedroom, yet he paused from progressing further when Richard closed the paltry distance between them. He felt the warm hand covering his own a moment later, yet his mismatched gazed met with his lover's equally mismatched one.] Don't I? I'm aware of your need for secrecy.
I do not mean just here. [Richard closes the small gap between them and raises their joined hands up, bringing Silco's against the column of his neck to feel his pulse. A gesture of a trust.] There has only been one person beside you with free enter to rooms like this.
[Even Catesby, the man who had been standing by his side ever since of his childhood, needed a permission before entering his chamber. Either his or Buckingham's, who hold the only spare key to his chambers. Silco might understand the need for the privacy, yes. But his requests in the assistance, be they subtle or direct, such as with the towel and dressing up, are not born out of arrogance but the trust that he is not willing to give to just anyone.] I respect you.
So it's an honour that you provide few and I should appreciate that I have made my way into your inner circle of trust? [It was and wasn't difficult for him to understand. He too rarely let anyone close to him, least of all when he was sleeping; it was a state of vulnerability he didn't like to share with many. At the same time, he wasn't used to someone relying on him for basic things as a sign of such appreciation, of a bonding experience. It took him those moments standing with his hand against the side of Richard's neck to realize that's what the request had actually been.
He made a soft noise of acknowledge in his throat, nodding his head a little. They had had plenty of casual conversations, some delving into sensitive topics, but it was these small signs that there was something budding that both thrilled and absolutely terrified him.] I appreciate your candor. Most respect me because they are afraid of me and what I may do. I don't sense the same when it comes to you.
[He leaned down their height difference so that he could rest his forehead against Richard's, staring into those mismatched eyes.] If I make you uncomfortable or push you too hard, I would like you to tell me. I've noticed that you will often go silent to me. I want to know what you're thinking... which is rare because most people are easy enough to read or guess their motivations. You... are intriguing and I want you to feel you can challenge me.
[There is a subtle shift in Richard's expression, as there is a slight tension on his lips and twitch of fingers. It seems like Silco is taking his invitation in the wrong way, seeing it as more of display of arrogance than anything else. There was a shy spike of frustration pressing quietly back of his mind as he found his gesture to be misunderstood again, highlighting the differences between him and the rest of peopl in this world. Silco included.
If things were any different between them Richard supposes he could share the sentiment as those 'most' that Silco describes. He recognizes the potential and silent strength of the man, knowing that he would make a dangerous and remarkable enemy. Not someone to be taken lightly, at all. But in this world? No. Richard had not seen any reason for him to be fearful of the man and his power, not even when he had offered his secret and trust to him on a silver platter.
There is.. something very familiar in Silco's words. Tugging at painful feeling that he had tried to destroy with all his might. But there it was again, threatening to bring about yet another cursed memory.
"The person I like is you. Just as you are." Those damned blue eyes looking at him with all the love and gentleness of the world, seeing nothing but him on that moment. Henry had, also, once tried to get words out of him -- carefully luring him into the daylight from his dark hiding place.
Richard licks his lips and swallows air, looking up at Silco's eyes.]
And.. And what if I have nothing to say? [Not entirely true most of the times. In fact, it usually it was the opposite with Joan and other voices preoccupying his mind and thoughts. Leaving him to struggle through demons and their whispers as he tried to find the path out of the maze that is his own, fragmented mind.]
[The shift might be subtle on Richard's expression, but he had spent years reading people's body language so that he could pick it apart. Partially a survival mechanism but mostly that he was one that knew the best way to control people was to understand their subtleties. And in this case, people who spent much of their time in silence, it was useful to know when he was heading into the territory of pushing into potentially uncomfortable territory.] Talk to me, Richard. Am I reading the situation wrong of growing into your circle of trust?
[He remained close, opposite to his usual antics. While he didn't deny that the power dynamics of the conversation were likely in his favour, he had no doubt that Richard - regardless of being naked - could take him down without much, if any effort. They had never fought, of course. Even play fighting was not the sort of antics that they degraded themselves to. Still, being physically close was important.
His blue eye remained steady in return, gazing thoughtfully as he considered the question. The back of his hand moved to stroke up and down Richard's neck where it was held.]
I would appreciate you telling me so. Unfortunately, I wasn't born with the ability to read minds, and we both know that our minds are where they greatest traps exist. Around and around we may go with no resolution. [Communication was something he had lacked in his youth; now, he was too controlling in his own behaviours to not understand the value of the word.]
[Silco's refusal to let the issue go nearly makes Richard want to step away and withdraw away from the moment. Richard wasn't really all that used to be pressured like this. Most people in his life didn't posses a rank high enough to question and push him like this. And those who's position exceeded his own? Well, most of them were like sheep - easy to lead where he wanted them to. Buckingham standing as only exception to the rule.
But the push hadn't become a shove just yet, and after a brief moment of silence Richard finally answers:] No. [A quick hesitation as he tries to connect he feelings into words.] But there is no circle. Only you.
[Richard is fully aware that this is not his strongest suit. It, again, makes him miss the presence of his other half. Buckingham had always just somehow been able to understand him, seen through his mask and just knew. He misses the confidence that his kingmaker would give him, his hand and touch guiding him through these struggles, and somehow bring the best out of him.]
[Unfortunately, pushing was his natural inclination, especially when he thought that it might pry loose a few extra words from Richard. He also expected that Richard might pull away from him, hence why he remained so close physically where it would be obvious to the both of them the retreat. His curiosity warred with his just as damning self-sabotage, aware that pushing could be the last straw eventually.]
Only me? [He repeated that to confirm to himself what he had just heard. It was followed by a seemingly strange tightening in his chest, and his hand moved from the side to the back of Richard's neck to rest there.] Two monsters lurking in the safety of the dark together, it seems. I value your trust.
[He lifted his forehead away at the question; it was very, very personal. What sort of traps awaited him when he closed his eye, hmm? While he had meant it broadly, he was aware of some of his mental pitfalls, yet others remained lurking in the dark undermining him now and again.]
I expect the same as everyone in that there are mental twisting to erode confidence. [Again broad, but he knew that wasn't good enough, not here in the privacy when if he was to expect trust and honesty, he had to give it first to showcase his own vulnerabilities.] When you go silent, I expect you're on the verge of ending this. Perhaps... if I push you hard enough, the expectations that I don't deserve whatever this is comes true as it has over and over in the past.
[It had never been in Richard's mind enter to a relationship like this one, or to find someone who he could extend his trust on this level. And yet, here they were. There were others that Richard held close to his heart, such as Charles for an example. But Silco continued to stand as the only one who Richard felt like he could, perhaps, place his trust and form an alliance of sorts.
Richard closed his eyes when the fingers slid behind the back of his neck. He inhales deep through his nostrils, breathing in the scent of the other man. Then, lets the air out between his lips, shoulders slugging forward a bit. It's only when Silco moves again when he opens his eyes, confusion mixed in with together soft fondness reflected in his gaze.
Was he truly afraid of losing him?]
We made a pact, Silco. [He reassures, his own fingers reaching up to brush against the darkened skin on his face.] You have done nothing to betray my trust. Until then, I have no reason to break this.
[What was the saying? Love found someone when they were least looking for it. Something like that. Of course, this wasn't love. Silco bucked against the very notion that he could receive or feel such a strong emotion for anyone other than Jinx. Certainly, he enjoyed Richard's company and all the interesting facets of it, and he would expend emotion both as it went on and should it fail (which he knew they both had to expect being cynics). As much as Jinx accused him of being goo-goo over Richard, he resented the accusation. Why? He wasn't willing to unpack that.
So he instead turned his attention to the quiet moment that they were prone to have. After the anxiety of knowing he could lose everything again, he was calmed to be here, calmed in this escape from beyond the walls of Richard's house. The tips of his fingers lightly massaged the back of Richard's neck and at those shoulders moving forward, he gently moved to use his hold to tug Richard up against him. For the first time in awhile, he had a minor regret having his clothing on.
He hummed in the back of his throat at the assurance, leaning his face into that touch.] You asked what my traps are, and I've told you. The mind isn't particularly reasonable on many matters. After all, I assume you have other options. [And there was that looming long-cast shadow of the biggest betrayal he had endured by the person he had once considered himself closest to.]
[Love was nothing but a double-edged sword, that sought to destroy its wielder. A venomous snake hiding the unassuming in the shadows of the garden. Richard had experienced that once and made a firm oath to himself that he would never again fall prey to such madness of a mind. Richard had killed that part of himself all those years ago along with Henry. And despite of the soft, comforting words of his kingmaker, he wasn't foolish enough to try and look for love from a place where it didn't exist. No matter how much Joan mocked him and tried to lead him stray from his conviction.
Same applied to Silco. They might have come together as kindred spirits, seeking comfort and companionship in this strange land. But love it was not.
The fabric of his lover's clothing pressed against his body, a faint sense of irritation blending in together with the softness. Richard disliked it too. Feeling of a barrier guarding the heat of the body that alone could melt the ice on his soul.]
Other options don't matter. [He says, voice gaining strength and confidence as he speaks. There weren't other options, of course, no one else but Silco could look at his deformity and curse and not find it all disgusting. And if there somehow were others? It would make no difference. This is what he chose.] The demons of one's mind often find a way sneak in and lure us astray from our path of reason and conviction. Next time you fear falling into such trap abandon it and place your faith in what you know is true. Place your faith in me, Silco.
[Love was the downfall of innovation and personal drive. Hindsight was a terrible mistress, especially as he realized too late his empire had begun to fall not because the sister had returned to the Lanes but because he finally found someone he wasn't willing to sacrifice for his lifelong personal cause. In the end, it had destroyed him too, as it had the first time he had ever experienced the emotion. It was a poison causing wide-spread damage.
It was better for them both that they simply enjoyed the warmth and calm of this pact of theirs. Sex, trust, and confiding in one another. It was as simple as that. He ignored the fact that they had made a pact, that they continually shared more and more to one another, or any other of the ten thousand little acts and thoughts that were twisted up in this 'simple' dalliance.
He raised his natural eyebrow, not expecting Richard to understand the weight of the statement. His fingers massaged down between Richard's bare shoulders.] Place my faith in our pact then. And your assurances. [In you.] I hope that you feel that you can do the same to me.
[The choice of his words weren't completely accidental. They were very similar to those that he spoke to the other lords when seducing them to support him. Just like back then, even now he was trying to reassure his lover to trust in him - look for support and comfort from him. The same way Silco did to Richard so many times.]
I already do. [And then, to solidify his words, Richard craned his head up and pulled Silco closer, sealing their lips into a kiss. It's not particularly deep or passionate kiss, but not a chaste nor shy either. It carried the heavy meaning of a promise, like a silent oath that was being shared. He slowly, pulls away while keeping their eye contact. Well, since Silco had offered a view to his own mind and what tormented him there he ought to return the favor. ]
There is a deep, burning anger inside me. [Richard's voice is silent, almost like a whisper. As if he was revealing a secret.] I can see how people look at me here. The way how they scoff and laugh at me, shake their heads as if I don't know any better. Like I'm wrong. [He had endured those kinds of looks and comments from the people in his own world too. The way they would whisper behind his back and look his small body in ridicule. Richard had trained and fought hard, learned their ways to redirect any doubts away from himself.] The anger eats me. I want to cut down a lot of them, slaughter them and set the damned city on fire.
[Silco was partially immune to such seduction; he was not easily lured into following a cause that was not his own. People were manipulative and selfish, himself included, but he did wish to believe that what he and Richard had would remain intact due to their committed loyalty to each other. And it seemed, at least verbally, that they were restated their will to lean into this.
They had survived the reset. That he had woken up here and not one of his many offices was a matter he had yet to ponder. It was probably some sign.
He sighed against Richard's lips as they were brought together, his fingers splaying across the middle of Richard's bare shoulders as he held the younger man closer to him during their embrace. He responded in kind, letting his lover take the lead on the embrace. He remained close even as their lips parted, returning to resting their foreheads together.
He listened, barely able to hear the first whispered statement. He believed it, of course. He had seen a small showcase of Richard's rage against the Chem-Barons. He listened intently to the description, and he could imagine it vividly with Richard's odd mannerisms, archaic opinions on women and marriage and bloodlines. He trailed his fingers over the scarred flesh of Richard's shoulder, humming softly.] You could take up your blade and murder them all, it's true. I expect releasing that rage would feel good and freeing for a time, but the aftermath will label you a pariah in the Chosen. I would support you if that was the path you wished to walk. [His voice dropped to a secretive whisper.] Prove them wrong. Show them your strengths, step on their throats and squeeze them into submission. Learn what you can, ignore their little snickers and looks at your back. They will shackle you with their unwanted opinions, but I think you have it in you to force them to respect you.
[Richard has carried the flames on anger within him for his entire life. But he had learned very early on not to give into his blind rage, no matter how much his heart yearned for the blood. He could still vividly remember the frustration and maddening hate he had felt as a young child. The never ending hatred towards the world that had taken his light away from him -- and towards the man who had killed his father. But he had learned that there was time and place for such violence. If you were going to kill a king you must be smart about it.
And he knew that unleashing his relentless rage on the fellow Chosen he would only be digging his own grave. They would all come back and no doubt cast their own judgement on him. So, he listened to his lover's words, knowing them to be true. The phantom touch of the fingertips traveling along his bare skin sending a light shivers down his spine. It wasn't like he hadn't tried to blend in, learning the language and custom of these people, expanding his understanding and trying to grow sympathetic towards them. But it was an uphill and Richard knew it.
But there was one remark in Silco's words that stood out among his words, resonating with him.]
Would you truly stand behind me even if the fire I set would eventually spread and reach your own doorstep? [A scenario that Richard believed would come true sooner or later, no matter their words of reassurance and loyalty. Would two monsters truly be able to learn co-exist like this? Well. Time will tell, he supposes.] Or would you continue break those shackles that others try to tie me with?
[There was nothing to be ashamed of to have such rage, the sting of betrayal and ridicule festering. He knew it had to be used smart, especially in a place like this where one could not simply unleash brutality to instill fear and respect from it. The Chosen were a different and often powerful lot, so cunning and manipulation would be the keys to success here. He disliked most of them, but he also knew he had to own parts of their lives to have control of them even a little.
Richard was in the same boat as he. Neither of them had fantastical powers or absolute strength. But they had experience and that was a power in and of itself. Even if it wasn't true from outside perspective, Silco knew what it was like to be less than, to be a peasant or a slave or someone whose life was a number on a page.
He pulled his face back at the question, raising his only natural eyebrow. Was it so hard to believe?] I would, and I would keep those flames away by whatever means necessary and spread them in the direction you desired. [He reached up and stroked his fingers through Richard's hair, tucking some behind the younger man's ear.] I would break your shackles too. You need something to build a foundation on to stand atop your naysayers. For me, it is business. You have to have something someone needs; they don't need a king unless you convince them it is in their best interests. Have you thought of having a business? You hunt and sell meat, hide and bones, but I think you would benefit from something more that showcases your skills.
[Every man has anger and rage within them. It was essential part of their core. It was all about how one could control and direct the darkness bubbling within. After all, there was only a fine line separating people from men and monsters. Just single wrong move and one will slip from path of nobility to madness. Richard knew very well, which one he was. The flames of hatred born from anguish and humiliation that were constantly burning his soul could not be quelled by the tears, but by blood.
It was that fire that made Richard strong, unyielding and cruel -- pushing him forward. It guided him to learn and mask himself as he moved in the shadows, pretending to be something that he is not. And it would be that same anger that would motivate him to adapt and adjust in this world as well.
Silco's words slip so easily past his tongue, like a smooth velvet hiding thorns beneath them. His pupils dilate as he feels very familiar kind of temptation pull his heart. Richard can't help but wonder if it truly was just a coincidence that both of his lovers had so much in common.]
You would see me managing one of your restaurants then? Would that be more appropriate to someone like me in your eyes?
[There was a steel in Richard that he found fascinating. Underneath those moments on insecurity and silence, there was a confidence that came out to play when Richard was in his element. He had watched the younger man move with a smoothness on that training field. People deferred for the most port to the expertise and the event itself, engaging and looking for direction.
It was the same when Richard was hunting or training. All that confidence straightening that slim but muscled frame. It had begun to blossom little by little the more that they spent time in his presence absorbing knowledge of how he worked the daily and even monthly of his various enterprises.
The corner of his lip tugged briefly.] No, those are mine to work with. I would consider assisting you with an investment of your own. The inn has not been bought by a Chosen, or you could start a business of your own.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
branchandroot
(no subject)
Date: 2024-10-08 12:51 pm (UTC)Does that 'anything' include people? [It might be a simple question, but there was a load of problematic issues behind it. Those issues which Silco didn't allow himself to see.
He made a low 'hmm' sound as he considered the implications of Jinx going after Richard; he had intended to let them settle it out themselves and expected that her tantrums would wane with time and distraction of her own. Unfortunately, she was extremely possessive, so he could assume the vitriol that his lover had had to contend with. It might even be considered worse than what he had to contend with, only because he was used to dealing with his daughter in such moments of high emotional conflict.]
Likely. She was sneaking around with the boy; I found out. Unlike me who admitted I had a lover just had not - and have not - admitted an identity, and it was never anything I didn't skirt or deny. [See the difference? He did. Jinx didn't. Maybe no one agreed with him, but he frankly didn't care.]
(no subject)
Date: 2024-10-09 02:09 am (UTC)Of course. [He answers immediately without any hesitation.] I naturally protect all of those who have pledged themselves to me and provide for them. Unless they were to betray to me. [It really is simple as that. It matters not whether those people were peasants, farmers, soldiers or nobles. They were all the same to Richard in the long run, something for him to command and do as he sees fit. Stepping stones to his throne.
He's certain that Silco if anyone could understand him on this.]
Hm. [He hums quietly, lips pressing into tighter line as he listens to Silco's explanation. While he definitely saw Silco's side to be more correct, as a father's matters of love life and what not should not be any of a daughter's business. But the situation overall seems so childish to him. And petty.] I do not care who she decides to spend her time with. And I do not care to made to be a pawn in such quarrel.
[Now he wished perhaps more than ever that Silco had kept silence all together about this. It seems like it could have saved them both a lot of headache. Richard then steps to the side and passes his lover as he walks towards the bedroom.] I shall dress.
(no subject)
Date: 2024-10-09 03:14 am (UTC)[Betrayal was a fact that was not tolerated by the both of them. That much they had in common. He imagined without evidence that Richard would be as spiteful as he was in such a case.
The disapproval was obvious just by the thinning of his lover's lips. However, how he conducted himself was not something he felt the urge to change even in the face of such disapproval.] That she approached you in her business; I certainly didn't encourage it. I have safeguarded your secrets more than I have anyone outside of Jinx thus far.
[There were times that he even questioned why he went so far, and yet, he continued to do so. He was aware that Jinx's disapproval could and would sour most situations, and he expected that her volatile reaction was expected to earn her favourable results. After all, most people feared her.]
Do you wish to continue this conversation upon your return?
(no subject)
Date: 2024-10-09 03:33 pm (UTC)An oath to be sworn to me. [Now, where does this arrangement of theirs land on with such statement? Richard was not sure. They both had sworn a loyalty of sorts to each other, at least when it came to who'd they let in their beds and so. But how far did that loyalty extend to between to men like them who had vaults full of secrets and skeletons. Only time will tell, he supposes.
Richard stops at the door and turns his head to look over his shoulder.]
Of your daughter's missing lover?
(no subject)
Date: 2024-10-09 04:00 pm (UTC)No doubt they could dig deep into such a subject, but he had found that when he pushed too hard, Richard simply stopped talking. He wasn't willing to sour his current good mood at survival over an impassioned speech that would have a back turned on him. Debater Richard was not.
He had turned towards the exit of Richard's house by now, hand fishing in his vest pocket for his cigar case.]
Hardly a subject worth discussing, no. Do you wish to continue to discuss your feelings of being a pawn between myself and my daughter?
(no subject)
Date: 2024-10-09 05:02 pm (UTC)Just like here. Richard could feel the threat of silence looming even here. Did he wish to talk about his feelings on the matter? Not really. He had already stated how he felt. What more there is to say about it.
But the sight of Silco's back turned against him as the man was heading towards the front door did stir something unpleasant in him. There's a flash of hesitation in Richard's eyes. He lowers his head, shifting his gaze down on the floor as he weights his options.]
Come. I wish you to help me dress. We can talk.
(no subject)
Date: 2024-10-09 06:05 pm (UTC)He stopped before reaching the door, silver case in one hand, at the call. He turned his head to observe Richard for a few seconds, and there was a rebuttal that he wasn't a servant to help with the basics of clothing yet he stopped himself. He knew the olive branch for what it was, so he resisted the base urge to rebel against the misplaced notion of servitude.
He dropped the case on a table as he turned and moved to follow Richard to the bedroom. Normally he would keep his hands to himself, yet he felt a sort of odd need for connection. His fingers reached out so he could wrap his hand gently around Richard's scarred wrist as they moved to the bedroom.]
Are you planning on training in the woods today or remaining around your property?
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Date: 2024-10-09 07:19 pm (UTC)Richard waits for Silco to walk up to him before pushing the door open to let them inside of his room. He briefly looks at the hand reaching out to his own, fingers curling around his slender wrist.]
I'll stay in. I'm too tired for training today. [He says softly as they enter. Then, letting go of the edges of the towel and allowing it to slide off his shoulders, he stepped in closer and brought his hand to grasp on the one that was holding on his wrist.] You do not understand that you are the only one I am allowing this? I am not shutting you out.
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Date: 2024-10-09 11:08 pm (UTC)So he was very familiar with the bedroom, yet he paused from progressing further when Richard closed the paltry distance between them. He felt the warm hand covering his own a moment later, yet his mismatched gazed met with his lover's equally mismatched one.] Don't I? I'm aware of your need for secrecy.
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Date: 2024-10-11 01:49 am (UTC)[Even Catesby, the man who had been standing by his side ever since of his childhood, needed a permission before entering his chamber. Either his or Buckingham's, who hold the only spare key to his chambers. Silco might understand the need for the privacy, yes. But his requests in the assistance, be they subtle or direct, such as with the towel and dressing up, are not born out of arrogance but the trust that he is not willing to give to just anyone.] I respect you.
What did you want to talk about?
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Date: 2024-10-11 02:23 am (UTC)He made a soft noise of acknowledge in his throat, nodding his head a little. They had had plenty of casual conversations, some delving into sensitive topics, but it was these small signs that there was something budding that both thrilled and absolutely terrified him.] I appreciate your candor. Most respect me because they are afraid of me and what I may do. I don't sense the same when it comes to you.
[He leaned down their height difference so that he could rest his forehead against Richard's, staring into those mismatched eyes.] If I make you uncomfortable or push you too hard, I would like you to tell me. I've noticed that you will often go silent to me. I want to know what you're thinking... which is rare because most people are easy enough to read or guess their motivations. You... are intriguing and I want you to feel you can challenge me.
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Date: 2024-10-11 03:16 am (UTC)If things were any different between them Richard supposes he could share the sentiment as those 'most' that Silco describes. He recognizes the potential and silent strength of the man, knowing that he would make a dangerous and remarkable enemy. Not someone to be taken lightly, at all. But in this world? No. Richard had not seen any reason for him to be fearful of the man and his power, not even when he had offered his secret and trust to him on a silver platter.
There is.. something very familiar in Silco's words. Tugging at painful feeling that he had tried to destroy with all his might. But there it was again, threatening to bring about yet another cursed memory.
"The person I like is you. Just as you are." Those damned blue eyes looking at him with all the love and gentleness of the world, seeing nothing but him on that moment. Henry had, also, once tried to get words out of him -- carefully luring him into the daylight from his dark hiding place.
Richard licks his lips and swallows air, looking up at Silco's eyes.]
And.. And what if I have nothing to say? [Not entirely true most of the times. In fact, it usually it was the opposite with Joan and other voices preoccupying his mind and thoughts. Leaving him to struggle through demons and their whispers as he tried to find the path out of the maze that is his own, fragmented mind.]
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Date: 2024-10-11 03:29 am (UTC)[He remained close, opposite to his usual antics. While he didn't deny that the power dynamics of the conversation were likely in his favour, he had no doubt that Richard - regardless of being naked - could take him down without much, if any effort. They had never fought, of course. Even play fighting was not the sort of antics that they degraded themselves to. Still, being physically close was important.
His blue eye remained steady in return, gazing thoughtfully as he considered the question. The back of his hand moved to stroke up and down Richard's neck where it was held.]
I would appreciate you telling me so. Unfortunately, I wasn't born with the ability to read minds, and we both know that our minds are where they greatest traps exist. Around and around we may go with no resolution. [Communication was something he had lacked in his youth; now, he was too controlling in his own behaviours to not understand the value of the word.]
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Date: 2024-10-11 04:04 am (UTC)But the push hadn't become a shove just yet, and after a brief moment of silence Richard finally answers:] No. [A quick hesitation as he tries to connect he feelings into words.] But there is no circle. Only you.
[Richard is fully aware that this is not his strongest suit. It, again, makes him miss the presence of his other half. Buckingham had always just somehow been able to understand him, seen through his mask and just knew. He misses the confidence that his kingmaker would give him, his hand and touch guiding him through these struggles, and somehow bring the best out of him.]
And what is the nature of your own traps?
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Date: 2024-10-11 04:25 am (UTC)Only me? [He repeated that to confirm to himself what he had just heard. It was followed by a seemingly strange tightening in his chest, and his hand moved from the side to the back of Richard's neck to rest there.] Two monsters lurking in the safety of the dark together, it seems. I value your trust.
[He lifted his forehead away at the question; it was very, very personal. What sort of traps awaited him when he closed his eye, hmm? While he had meant it broadly, he was aware of some of his mental pitfalls, yet others remained lurking in the dark undermining him now and again.]
I expect the same as everyone in that there are mental twisting to erode confidence. [Again broad, but he knew that wasn't good enough, not here in the privacy when if he was to expect trust and honesty, he had to give it first to showcase his own vulnerabilities.] When you go silent, I expect you're on the verge of ending this. Perhaps... if I push you hard enough, the expectations that I don't deserve whatever this is comes true as it has over and over in the past.
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Date: 2024-10-11 02:51 pm (UTC)Richard closed his eyes when the fingers slid behind the back of his neck. He inhales deep through his nostrils, breathing in the scent of the other man. Then, lets the air out between his lips, shoulders slugging forward a bit. It's only when Silco moves again when he opens his eyes, confusion mixed in with together soft fondness reflected in his gaze.
Was he truly afraid of losing him?]
We made a pact, Silco. [He reassures, his own fingers reaching up to brush against the darkened skin on his face.] You have done nothing to betray my trust. Until then, I have no reason to break this.
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Date: 2024-10-11 03:23 pm (UTC)So he instead turned his attention to the quiet moment that they were prone to have. After the anxiety of knowing he could lose everything again, he was calmed to be here, calmed in this escape from beyond the walls of Richard's house. The tips of his fingers lightly massaged the back of Richard's neck and at those shoulders moving forward, he gently moved to use his hold to tug Richard up against him. For the first time in awhile, he had a minor regret having his clothing on.
He hummed in the back of his throat at the assurance, leaning his face into that touch.] You asked what my traps are, and I've told you. The mind isn't particularly reasonable on many matters. After all, I assume you have other options. [And there was that looming long-cast shadow of the biggest betrayal he had endured by the person he had once considered himself closest to.]
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Date: 2024-10-11 04:20 pm (UTC)Same applied to Silco. They might have come together as kindred spirits, seeking comfort and companionship in this strange land. But love it was not.
The fabric of his lover's clothing pressed against his body, a faint sense of irritation blending in together with the softness. Richard disliked it too. Feeling of a barrier guarding the heat of the body that alone could melt the ice on his soul.]
Other options don't matter. [He says, voice gaining strength and confidence as he speaks. There weren't other options, of course, no one else but Silco could look at his deformity and curse and not find it all disgusting. And if there somehow were others? It would make no difference. This is what he chose.] The demons of one's mind often find a way sneak in and lure us astray from our path of reason and conviction. Next time you fear falling into such trap abandon it and place your faith in what you know is true. Place your faith in me, Silco.
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Date: 2024-10-11 04:36 pm (UTC)It was better for them both that they simply enjoyed the warmth and calm of this pact of theirs. Sex, trust, and confiding in one another. It was as simple as that. He ignored the fact that they had made a pact, that they continually shared more and more to one another, or any other of the ten thousand little acts and thoughts that were twisted up in this 'simple' dalliance.
He raised his natural eyebrow, not expecting Richard to understand the weight of the statement. His fingers massaged down between Richard's bare shoulders.] Place my faith in our pact then. And your assurances. [In you.] I hope that you feel that you can do the same to me.
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Date: 2024-10-11 08:17 pm (UTC)I already do. [And then, to solidify his words, Richard craned his head up and pulled Silco closer, sealing their lips into a kiss. It's not particularly deep or passionate kiss, but not a chaste nor shy either. It carried the heavy meaning of a promise, like a silent oath that was being shared. He slowly, pulls away while keeping their eye contact. Well, since Silco had offered a view to his own mind and what tormented him there he ought to return the favor. ]
There is a deep, burning anger inside me. [Richard's voice is silent, almost like a whisper. As if he was revealing a secret.] I can see how people look at me here. The way how they scoff and laugh at me, shake their heads as if I don't know any better. Like I'm wrong. [He had endured those kinds of looks and comments from the people in his own world too. The way they would whisper behind his back and look his small body in ridicule. Richard had trained and fought hard, learned their ways to redirect any doubts away from himself.] The anger eats me. I want to cut down a lot of them, slaughter them and set the damned city on fire.
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Date: 2024-10-12 03:50 am (UTC)They had survived the reset. That he had woken up here and not one of his many offices was a matter he had yet to ponder. It was probably some sign.
He sighed against Richard's lips as they were brought together, his fingers splaying across the middle of Richard's bare shoulders as he held the younger man closer to him during their embrace. He responded in kind, letting his lover take the lead on the embrace. He remained close even as their lips parted, returning to resting their foreheads together.
He listened, barely able to hear the first whispered statement. He believed it, of course. He had seen a small showcase of Richard's rage against the Chem-Barons. He listened intently to the description, and he could imagine it vividly with Richard's odd mannerisms, archaic opinions on women and marriage and bloodlines. He trailed his fingers over the scarred flesh of Richard's shoulder, humming softly.] You could take up your blade and murder them all, it's true. I expect releasing that rage would feel good and freeing for a time, but the aftermath will label you a pariah in the Chosen. I would support you if that was the path you wished to walk. [His voice dropped to a secretive whisper.] Prove them wrong. Show them your strengths, step on their throats and squeeze them into submission. Learn what you can, ignore their little snickers and looks at your back. They will shackle you with their unwanted opinions, but I think you have it in you to force them to respect you.
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Date: 2024-10-14 12:57 pm (UTC)And he knew that unleashing his relentless rage on the fellow Chosen he would only be digging his own grave. They would all come back and no doubt cast their own judgement on him. So, he listened to his lover's words, knowing them to be true. The phantom touch of the fingertips traveling along his bare skin sending a light shivers down his spine. It wasn't like he hadn't tried to blend in, learning the language and custom of these people, expanding his understanding and trying to grow sympathetic towards them. But it was an uphill and Richard knew it.
But there was one remark in Silco's words that stood out among his words, resonating with him.]
Would you truly stand behind me even if the fire I set would eventually spread and reach your own doorstep? [A scenario that Richard believed would come true sooner or later, no matter their words of reassurance and loyalty. Would two monsters truly be able to learn co-exist like this? Well. Time will tell, he supposes.] Or would you continue break those shackles that others try to tie me with?
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Date: 2024-10-14 03:23 pm (UTC)Richard was in the same boat as he. Neither of them had fantastical powers or absolute strength. But they had experience and that was a power in and of itself. Even if it wasn't true from outside perspective, Silco knew what it was like to be less than, to be a peasant or a slave or someone whose life was a number on a page.
He pulled his face back at the question, raising his only natural eyebrow. Was it so hard to believe?] I would, and I would keep those flames away by whatever means necessary and spread them in the direction you desired. [He reached up and stroked his fingers through Richard's hair, tucking some behind the younger man's ear.] I would break your shackles too. You need something to build a foundation on to stand atop your naysayers. For me, it is business. You have to have something someone needs; they don't need a king unless you convince them it is in their best interests. Have you thought of having a business? You hunt and sell meat, hide and bones, but I think you would benefit from something more that showcases your skills.
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Date: 2024-10-15 02:35 am (UTC)It was that fire that made Richard strong, unyielding and cruel -- pushing him forward. It guided him to learn and mask himself as he moved in the shadows, pretending to be something that he is not. And it would be that same anger that would motivate him to adapt and adjust in this world as well.
Silco's words slip so easily past his tongue, like a smooth velvet hiding thorns beneath them. His pupils dilate as he feels very familiar kind of temptation pull his heart. Richard can't help but wonder if it truly was just a coincidence that both of his lovers had so much in common.]
You would see me managing one of your restaurants then? Would that be more appropriate to someone like me in your eyes?
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Date: 2024-10-15 05:14 am (UTC)It was the same when Richard was hunting or training. All that confidence straightening that slim but muscled frame. It had begun to blossom little by little the more that they spent time in his presence absorbing knowledge of how he worked the daily and even monthly of his various enterprises.
The corner of his lip tugged briefly.] No, those are mine to work with. I would consider assisting you with an investment of your own. The inn has not been bought by a Chosen, or you could start a business of your own.
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