[Silco relented and while still annoyed by the comparison, he withdrew his sharpness in the face of her explanation. He didn't like it, not one bit. That was a void that he filled, and he did not enjoy someone else encroaching on his territory. He calmed her; it was his job, one he took absolute pride in.
He nodded his head, forcing himself to lean forward and take a bite of his meal now that it had cooled. He chewed mechanically.]
Your circle of confidents grows. To be expected, I assume.
[' so why are you upset?' — is the question that lingers and threatens to leave her tongue, but shoves it down her throat with the piece of fish. jinx would expect silco would want her to grow up and learn how the world works on her own, yet maybe he believes the simulation world isn't a good example? she can only speculate. ]
Indeed, your confidence can lead you many different places and forming different alliances.
[He was aware of the unspoken question and side-stepped it. He knew it was petty and vulnerable to speak on such things, the real issues that neither of them could particularly swallow. Just as Jinx had stormed repeatedly against him for having an unnamed lover, he was returning the favour in his own way. That's the way they were; he valued it because it made them them.]
You will always be my daughter though. No one can take that from me.
[Except that one person she had gone off looking for as some beast of a man. That would remain an undercurrent of a threat.]
Of course, I always will be. [ jinx prods her half-eaten meal to the left of her for now, and bends forward with her arms folded over the counter.] Level with me here, Dad, is that what all of this is really about?
[ there's a brief pause that she purposely let dawdling in their air before stacking on the finishing touches. ]
Are you afraid because I have other people in my life, it means I won't be your daughter anymore?
[The call out was perhaps expected as they had been toing around the subject for months. If it wasn't her prodding him or vice versa, it wasn't a day of them trying to navigate their possessive tendencies exacerbated by abandonment issues. He made a point of cutting off another bit of fish and putting it in his mouth to buy himself a moment to consider how he might answer her request.]
You'll leave. [Normally, he left such bluntness to Jinx.] I am your family; I took you in, but everyone from back there wants to pull us apart. Your sister, the boy. I trust you, but I don't trust them. They've made their positions clear.
[It was complicated and yet painfully simple. He couldn't, wouldn't lose her. He would burn this place down. Yet, it was a touch more complicated as he was becoming plainly clear that her willingness to follow in his footsteps were no longer a priority. And if she did... would it be with the boy?]
[ she sits in front of him silently, being extremely attentive and not half-listening for once. her heart sharpens and jitters when it comes to be her hypothesis was proven correct after all. and for a moment, his daughter stays still, not breaking eye contact as the cogs in her mind whirls. but soon, she scoots herself away from the table, then makes her way around so she can stand by his side. her head cocks very subtly to one side, then reaches a gentle hand to rest fondly against his scarred cheek. ]
Nothing can ever pull me apart from you.
[ jinx coos, her thumb brushing and tracing along one of his harden marks. she ponders back to how her days in runeterra had been without him. and maybe if she describes what it was like, he will worry less? it's hard to say, but there's no harm into it saying i. ]
Vi and Ekko... I do love them. They're important to me, like you are. But I'm always going to need you. Just because I know how to... wake up and go through my days okay, doesn't mean I won't miss you at all, or think about you, or... — or I won't need your parental talk in some way.
I wanted you to — [ a brief pause, trying to think of a good phrase. ] "come out" so bad when I was home. I missed hearing you... and seeing you. I kept... wondering if you were proud of me or... whatever I was doing was okay in your eyes. You're my dad, [vander too.] and no one is gonna fill in those shoes.
[She was everything to him, especially since his death. She was his last piece of Zaun as it should be: chaotic, vulnerable, violent, brilliant, artistic and free. If he lost her, it would be similar to losing what little was left of Zaun, stripped away by those who sought to make her different, to unearth the scared crying small girl who had no confidence and needed people's shadows to disappear into.
His mismatched eyes tracked her as she rose from her seat and moved over to his side. He remained exactly as he was, practically rooted in his chair with one leg crossed over the other. He did, however, lean his face into her touch subtly, closing his blue eye now that she was here next to him.] They'll try to change you, and you're not that girl anymore.
[His eye opened again, looking at her as she explained about her attempts to draw him out. She had said that he had come to her, offered advice. She failed to mention that there had been several attempts before that point.]
So are you saying that I was absent until you needed me most, hmm?
[ the smile, once warm, and still is, now growing shorter and maybe even a little stiff. and although her expression sinks into something else entirely, she doesn't cease soothing him with caressing his damaged cheek with her thumb. jinx works her lips for a moment before confessing — her voice almost as low as a whisper: ]
I... don't know who I am right now. [ this must be painful for silco to hear, but she has to be truthful to herself and him. ] — I thought I got rid of Powder, but then... I learned through Isha that... that Powder wasn't so bad, after all. So I killed Jinx.
[ a small beat as she sighs, bending forward to plant a kiss to his forehead. ]
But then after a while, I found out... being just Powder didn't feel right, either. Not at all the way. So I dunno. I'm calling myself "Jinx" 'cause that's what I'm used to, and what everyone calls me. But... am I Jinx? Or Powder? ... Maybe. Maybe I'm both.
But... yeah. You came to me when I wanted to waste away forever. [ she huffs out a chuckle while her hand skates off his cheek, then down to his hand. ] I, uh, never did thanked you for stopping by.
[Those words struck him, truth or no. For years, he had worked to provide her a rebirth to an identity that would suit her skills, would allow her to weaponize the pain of her losses, to be molded as he had forced to be molded. Jinx was perfect, everything she needed to be, everything Zaun could be, and Powder had been a weakness that needed to shoved down to the darkest depths.
The muscles along his shoulders tightened and his hands clenched around the arms of his chair when she said she killed Jinx. No. He remained stiff and staring straight ahead as he processed her truth, a part of him rebelling against the idea, against the truth he had known but couldn't put to words since her return. He didn't want to hear it, but he also wasn't so stupid as to close himself off from it.
His lips moved as if he might speak but no words emerged. He shook his head slightly, internally storming while externally calm. Slowly his eyes moved from staring at nothing to regarding his daughter, his world, the only embodiment that had mattered since arriving here.]
You are Jinx... [He sounded forceful yet uncertain. She had seemed more stable since her return, a fact he still was navigating.] Maybe you're both.... [His tone was dubious, guarded.
His fingers were still clenched in a fist when her hand touched his.] I would have done anything to make certain you were free. You always needed to accept yourself, accept the prisons we rattle the bars of daily....
[ her breath quietly catches when his fingers squeeze over the prickle of her touch. and she draws back as carefully as possible so he wouldn't take too much of a notice. jinx sucks in her lips to fight off the sudden chill in the air, although, the cold might be just her imagination playing tricks on her again.
words seem to lodge themselves against a lump in her dry throat, and she swallows periodically in hope, by doing so, it'll let them go through. jinx moves her arms again, her limbs feeling heavier than stone suddenly, but she forces them to cooperate as she links them around her father — into an embrace that's light at first, but gradually grows in strength. ]
Love me. Love me always, okay? No matter what happens to me... — I don't wanna lose my Dad again.
[He didn't resist her arms curling around him, expecting a quick embrace even if history stated that Jinx did enjoy lingering in those. His hands remained clenched until he could convince them to release and strive for an outward appearance of normal while internally he was a raging storm. He would have his tantrum about all of this on his own, as he usually did.
It was clear that she was concerned enough about his response already that adding to it could push her away, and he wasn't going to risk that. No, he had conceive of a way to hold her tighter, to show that he remained the best option out of the many that were crawling out of the woodwork. He was her family.]
I committed to us being a family, and I won't let that change.
[He shifted to curl an arm around her back lightly.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
branchandroot
action;
Date: 2025-02-16 08:31 pm (UTC)[Silco relented and while still annoyed by the comparison, he withdrew his sharpness in the face of her explanation. He didn't like it, not one bit. That was a void that he filled, and he did not enjoy someone else encroaching on his territory. He calmed her; it was his job, one he took absolute pride in.
He nodded his head, forcing himself to lean forward and take a bite of his meal now that it had cooled. He chewed mechanically.]
Your circle of confidents grows. To be expected, I assume.
action;
Date: 2025-02-20 06:40 pm (UTC)[' so why are you upset?' — is the question that lingers and threatens to leave her tongue, but shoves it down her throat with the piece of fish. jinx would expect silco would want her to grow up and learn how the world works on her own, yet maybe he believes the simulation world isn't a good example? she can only speculate. ]
action;
Date: 2025-02-22 08:55 pm (UTC)[He was aware of the unspoken question and side-stepped it. He knew it was petty and vulnerable to speak on such things, the real issues that neither of them could particularly swallow. Just as Jinx had stormed repeatedly against him for having an unnamed lover, he was returning the favour in his own way. That's the way they were; he valued it because it made them them.]
You will always be my daughter though. No one can take that from me.
[Except that one person she had gone off looking for as some beast of a man. That would remain an undercurrent of a threat.]
action;
Date: 2025-02-22 11:40 pm (UTC)[ there's a brief pause that she purposely let dawdling in their air before stacking on the finishing touches. ]
Are you afraid because I have other people in my life, it means I won't be your daughter anymore?
action;
Date: 2025-02-23 02:17 am (UTC)You'll leave. [Normally, he left such bluntness to Jinx.] I am your family; I took you in, but everyone from back there wants to pull us apart. Your sister, the boy. I trust you, but I don't trust them. They've made their positions clear.
[It was complicated and yet painfully simple. He couldn't, wouldn't lose her. He would burn this place down. Yet, it was a touch more complicated as he was becoming plainly clear that her willingness to follow in his footsteps were no longer a priority. And if she did... would it be with the boy?]
action;
Date: 2025-02-23 05:03 pm (UTC)Nothing can ever pull me apart from you.
[ jinx coos, her thumb brushing and tracing along one of his harden marks. she ponders back to how her days in runeterra had been without him. and maybe if she describes what it was like, he will worry less? it's hard to say, but there's no harm into it saying i. ]
Vi and Ekko... I do love them. They're important to me, like you are. But I'm always going to need you. Just because I know how to... wake up and go through my days okay, doesn't mean I won't miss you at all, or think about you, or... — or I won't need your parental talk in some way.
I wanted you to — [ a brief pause, trying to think of a good phrase. ] "come out" so bad when I was home. I missed hearing you... and seeing you. I kept... wondering if you were proud of me or... whatever I was doing was okay in your eyes. You're my dad, [vander too.] and no one is gonna fill in those shoes.
action;
Date: 2025-02-23 07:36 pm (UTC)His mismatched eyes tracked her as she rose from her seat and moved over to his side. He remained exactly as he was, practically rooted in his chair with one leg crossed over the other. He did, however, lean his face into her touch subtly, closing his blue eye now that she was here next to him.] They'll try to change you, and you're not that girl anymore.
[His eye opened again, looking at her as she explained about her attempts to draw him out. She had said that he had come to her, offered advice. She failed to mention that there had been several attempts before that point.]
So are you saying that I was absent until you needed me most, hmm?
action;
Date: 2025-02-25 05:23 am (UTC)I... don't know who I am right now. [ this must be painful for silco to hear, but she has to be truthful to herself and him. ] — I thought I got rid of Powder, but then... I learned through Isha that... that Powder wasn't so bad, after all. So I killed Jinx.
[ a small beat as she sighs, bending forward to plant a kiss to his forehead. ]
But then after a while, I found out... being just Powder didn't feel right, either. Not at all the way. So I dunno. I'm calling myself "Jinx" 'cause that's what I'm used to, and what everyone calls me. But... am I Jinx? Or Powder? ... Maybe. Maybe I'm both.
But... yeah. You came to me when I wanted to waste away forever. [ she huffs out a chuckle while her hand skates off his cheek, then down to his hand. ] I, uh, never did thanked you for stopping by.
action;
Date: 2025-02-26 02:11 pm (UTC)The muscles along his shoulders tightened and his hands clenched around the arms of his chair when she said she killed Jinx. No. He remained stiff and staring straight ahead as he processed her truth, a part of him rebelling against the idea, against the truth he had known but couldn't put to words since her return. He didn't want to hear it, but he also wasn't so stupid as to close himself off from it.
His lips moved as if he might speak but no words emerged. He shook his head slightly, internally storming while externally calm. Slowly his eyes moved from staring at nothing to regarding his daughter, his world, the only embodiment that had mattered since arriving here.]
You are Jinx... [He sounded forceful yet uncertain. She had seemed more stable since her return, a fact he still was navigating.] Maybe you're both.... [His tone was dubious, guarded.
His fingers were still clenched in a fist when her hand touched his.] I would have done anything to make certain you were free. You always needed to accept yourself, accept the prisons we rattle the bars of daily....
action;
Date: 2025-02-26 07:41 pm (UTC)words seem to lodge themselves against a lump in her dry throat, and she swallows periodically in hope, by doing so, it'll let them go through. jinx moves her arms again, her limbs feeling heavier than stone suddenly, but she forces them to cooperate as she links them around her father — into an embrace that's light at first, but gradually grows in strength. ]
Love me. Love me always, okay? No matter what happens to me... — I don't wanna lose my Dad again.
action;
Date: 2025-02-27 02:15 pm (UTC)It was clear that she was concerned enough about his response already that adding to it could push her away, and he wasn't going to risk that. No, he had conceive of a way to hold her tighter, to show that he remained the best option out of the many that were crawling out of the woodwork. He was her family.]
I committed to us being a family, and I won't let that change.
[He shifted to curl an arm around her back lightly.]